There are times like these when the darkness of the tunnel seems oppressive, like a big black cloud of smoke sitting on your chest, you can’t see the light, you are not even sure there is a light beyond the smoke, at the end of the tunnel.Reading books, watching movies, talking to friends mostly helps clear out the smoke a bit, helps get closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Not this time! This time the books, the movies, the comraderie, make me plunge deeper into this dark hole, the dark cloud thickens.

I wait for it to pass, patiently, what else is there to do but wait for your thoughts to clear, to find that positive string to hold on to that will pull you out. I wait, I know its coming, I hope it’s coming, is it coming?

I search frantically for it, in the people I meet, in the books I read, in the movies I watch. This time the wait is too long, I am getting weaker, my fears get stronger. I don’t know what I need, what should I do?

I focus on the cloud, I want to face my fears. I see images of injustice, discrimination, violence, hate, death. I shake my head, I try to see love, magic, happiness. I cannot! But I see strength, I see perseverance and I know I will make it! I have to make it! What choice do I have, what choice do we have!

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