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I woke up ears ringing, a numb pain at the back of my head. I had been drinking again, every night this week. I was waking up as if I had been hit on the head with a club. I dragged my feet to the shower and stood under the water, letting it wash it all away. The bitter taste of alcohol in my mouth, the smell of strangers on my skin. Where was I last night? I remembered vaguely stumbling into bed. I had slept with my shoes on. They were wet. Was it raining last night? As I stood in the shower, water pouring down my face, I remembered the walk back home. I had walked from a sleazy bar downtown all the way home. It should have taken me over an hour. I went to the bar alone, sat on a table by myself and then chatted with whoever wanted to chat with me. Everyone wanted to buy me a drink. I paid for nothing. I hadn’t eaten in 4 days, except an apple for lunch everyday. I didn’t look like I was from there so people spotted me easily. They smiled, they were mostly nice. A gentleman even dropped me home last night and offered to help me up to my apartment. I didn’t want to feel obligated to invite him in and then not know what to do with him, so I said I’ll be fine.

Yesterday I’d walked home. The walk was mostly uneventful. I’d have to be really really drunk to walk home in the middle of the night, across the city. But at least I now knew I could do it. I did that sometimes, did things that really freaked me out, just to know I could. But I didn’t like to take risks. Not in the adventure sense anyway. I never liked doing things that made me feel physically sick, like bungee jumping, or paragliding. I’d try rock climbing though and scuba diving. Yeah! I should try that sometime. May be next time I take a break, I should go some where to get a scuba diving lesson. I turned off the water, took the bar of soap and put it to my nose. I loved the smell of this soap. It made me get out of bed sometimes, the soap and the shower. What day was it today? I got out of the shower, checked my phone. Shit! dead battery. Where’s my watch? There it was. 10 am, Friday. Oh! Good! I didn’t have to work. I went back to bed, picked up my book and them remembered I had to pick up mom from the airport. Oh! Mom was coming today. That’s why I’d planned not to go out drinking last night. But my boss had been nasty again and Eric called and said he wanted me to come by and take all my stuff this weekend. So I’d gone to drown all that in whiskey. Well! it did work. I had forgotten about it, till I got up sober and hungover this morning.

I put on some clothes and drove my car to the airport. I was really glad mom was coming, it would help me fix my routine. I’d wake up early again, may be do some art, read, cook for her and take walks with her. That would be nice. As I pulled into the arrivals’ gate, I saw mom standing there, the sight of her brought tears to my eyes. Mom. Home. Hug. Love. Priceless. Made my day.

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